Bill doesn’t believe in spending on romance. The only time he bought flowers was his wedding day, and he chose carnations because they were the cheapest. Bill won’t replace his phone or shoes until they’re irreparably broken. Some of his underwear have holes in them.

Bill has up til now, successfully avoided the dentist since a really bad root canal in 1993. He was the first in his family to go to university. He was happy with passing grades. Bill likes the oldies and blasts Phantom of the Opera at a window-shaking volume on Sunday mornings. Bill was eating breakfast at McDonald’s when his daughter was born because he thought his wife would be in labor for 15 hours, and still laughs about it.